Thoughts from the "other side"

I have been a little down lately. Sometimes my thoughts focus on some of the opportunities that Laura might miss out on, because she has Down Syndrome.

For instance, will she go to college? I know of several adults with Down Syndrome that have attended and graduated from various colleges and universities around the country. Recent national legislation has certainly made it a little easier for people with special needs of all ages to get a post secondary education. This legislation is a critical first step. Now public universities need to step up and use it.

But it does not answer the question, will Laura go to college? Tara and I certainly want her to. We are trying to plan for her, and any other children that we may have, to go to college. Do not read anything into that statement. To our knowledge, neither one of us is pregnant. Our parents, Laura's grandparents, certainly want Laura to go to college. But will she go? Will she be able to function at a level where college is a viable option for her? We are certainly trying to do everything we can to ensure she is equipped to go. But will she?

Will Laura get married? Will Tara and I stand in the bridal sweet watching as Laura and her friends finish getting ready? Will I be praying as I walk her down the aisle "Please God, do not let me trip and ruin Laura's moment?"

Will she get to have kids of her own to care for, and love, and be loved by?

Will she need someone to watch over her and care for her, her entire life? This is a question I struggle with daily.

All of this brings one question to my mind. How severe will Laura's Down Syndrome be? Yes there are various levels of Down Syndrome. The answer right now is, we do not know. And that is what is most maddening about all of this. I hate not knowing. It drives me crazy.

When my mind wonders down this road, this "other side", it makes me sad. I try not to go there very often. But, sometimes I just cannot seem to help it. And it is ok to go down this road sometimes. It is part of being a parent in general, and being a parent of a special needs child in particular. Every parent does it from time to time.

Those who say they never get down about their child's potentially very different future, are in denial about their state of mourning. Mourning the perceived loss of a child's future is normal. There is nothing wrong with someone who experiences a mourning like state for a time when they find out their child will have special needs.

I have met a few parents that are in such deep denial about their state, that they are actually angry that their children are not "normal". They are not angry with their children, but rather they are angry that their child will be different. This is a mentality that I do not understand.

Every person is a unique creation. Every individual is special, and different from every other individual. So why are some parents so upset that their child is different? Their child is different, just like every other child out there. I understand for some people, that it can be hard to accept that their child will not be "normal", whatever that means.

But in reality these kids, or people, are no different than anyone else. Just like everyone else, they do things at their own pace, and in their own time.

For instance, Laura. I wrote a week or two ago that she has shown little interest in learning to crawl. However, she is very interested in learning to stand. She has no interest in learning to drink from a sippy cup. But, if you put a glass in front of her, she cannot get to it fast enough to take a drink. Which if she is allowed to do so by herself, the glasses contents usually wind up all over everything (she is only 11 months old after all). Learning things in her own way, and in her own time.

The only trick is not to get stuck in this "other side". I try to focus on this amazing gift that God has bestowed upon Tara and I. Laura has already had an impact on so many people, and she is not even a year old. In truth, I cannot wait to discover what other wonders are in store for her as we move forward.