First days suck!!!

"For Your formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are your works,
And my soul knows it well."

Psalm 139; 13 - 14


For as far back as I can remember I have never been a fan of first days (except summer vacation). First day of school, first day of work, first game of the little league football or baseball season, pretty much the first day of just about anything. I always viewed them as the start of something that I had no influence over. Because I did not know what to expect, I did not want to go.

My some what pessimistic out look always had me viewing these new starts as potential disasters waiting to happen. It would be the start of new school year, and I would fail every class (the ensuing punishment from my parents did not bother me because it would have been deserved). It would be the start of a new job, and I was sure I would do something to get fired (which would have my wife and I out on the street because we could not pay our bills). If I was playing sports, I would cause our team to lose every game (I was sure of it).

However, today's first day sucked for a completely different reason. It was my first day back to work after Laura's birth. My boss Nick was very grateful to see me. At least he said he was on several occasions as we discussed what projects he had waiting for me. For those who do not know I work for a retail company called R.E.I., and my bass and I spent most of my first hour and a half back at work discussing what tweaks could be done to enhance the department.

It was nice to have a bit of the old routine back. Seeing many of my coworkers again was quite nice as well. It fun to catch up with what is going on in their lives, and to discuss Laura and how she is doing.

However, the day sucked because after spending the vast majority of the last month with my daughter, I did not want to leave her. When I had people ask me if I was glad to be back to work I answered honestly no. I would have rather been home playing with my daughter. I know she still sleeps most of the time, but there is something reassuring about being able to check on her when ever I want. To hear her little squeaks and noises, to be able to pick her up, feed her and yes change her diaper is just to much fun.

So today sucked, but I made it through. It will get easier for me I know. That does not mean I am happy about it getting less and less difficult to leave my daughter. At least when Tara goes back to work she will get to take Laura with her.

I am hearing the sounds that indicate that my daughter needs some attention from her daddy. I think I will go investigate what surprise she has for me now.